KL VS Me

Salam,

so, i still cant get over my stress and dispression yet. i start feeling sad during night, almost everyday now.

right now, i really need someone to talk too, but i donno who. seems everyone who i used to talk too seems boring if they hear me talking about the same problem over and over again. hehe

its about my relationship! hurm.. i swear that i miss him sooo damn much, but unfortunately i cant say it out loud. i try to, but i just cant.

he seems ignored me for a month now, it just make me sad more. u know, when the time that actually i really need him around me.

i just moved in to KL, the city that i hate the most. i hate my house right now but i dont have choice too. its pretty close to everything but its kindda not attract me at all.

i got stress with my job right now, first time in 4 years i seriously update my resume and start sending my resume to several company now.

but, seriously,

i need him. now. :'(

its make me question that what i do wrong this time around?

well, yes, i admit that maybe im too hope for his existance. I wish that he is the one and the last one, tapi malangnye macam x je:'(

maybe sikap i yang kuat merajuk, attention seeker, (i just need his attention, thats all) and kuat membebel ( i usually call him and talk for hours, maybe sebab tu dia boring dengan i)

its make me really sad and frustrated now. hurmm.

secara sungguhnya, i memang nak luahkan sesuatu dengan someone right now. i really really really need someone to talk to. :'(

well, He came to my life first, and i tot its gonna be fun again, and u know, being like any other sweet couple. hurmmm..

i nak je rasa semula keluar dating,
bergayut lame2.

haha.
silly me.

im sorry....
i ruined the 'we' things.

i hope u give me a chance. at least one more.

or at least, if you dont want me,
just say it.

jangan hang in, buat i tertanye2. at least help me to move on and find someone else supaya i tak tertunggu2.

boleh x?

*i getting older, and too bad im too old for someone else. sedihnyee. :'(


just another bad luck in relationship again.

semoga Allah kuatkan hati i, macamana i sembunyikan dari orang lain sekarang ni. amin.

BILA RASA ITU MULA DATANG, AKU MULA TULIS SURAT UNTUK TUHAN

SURAT UNTUK TUHAN

dalam keadaan paksa diri untuk positif,
dalam keadaan aku paksa diri aku untuk senyum selalu,
dalam aku paksa diri aku untuk share benda2 yang baik2 sahaja, happy2 sahaja.

aku kadang2 tengah berperang dengan perasaan aku sendiri.
perasaan sunyi, perasan curiga, semualah!

bila mula mempersoalkan apa yang Allah dan tentukan untuk aku,
dimasa akan datang,
aku mula lah menhitung hari.

Allah, dah tua dah aku tahun depan.
30 tahun weh. 30 tahun.

aku ingat lagi,
31hb mei 2011,
birthday aku yang ke 25 tahun.

mak aku telefon,
dan cakap " bila lagi? dah besar dah. dah berumur"

sedih kot.
sebab tahun depan aku 30 tahun,
mak dah takde pon. dah pergi hadap Illahi.
hajat dia tu je aku x dapat makbulkan.

aku belum berjodoh.

Mak,
insyaAllah, 1 hari nanti,
kalau Allah izinkan.
Mira kahwin ye mak...

penat weh kadang2,
bercinta, beriya kot.
suka dekat orang.
sebab aku kalau suka dekat orang, aku suka sungguh2,
jeles sungguh2, sayang sungguh2,
dia aku punye.
haha.

tapi tu lah,
kadang2 asik keciwa ke,
belum jumpa yang betul2 setia, yang betul2 sudi nak ambik aku jadi isteri. hehe

takpe la,
sabar ye,
bukan kau orang je yang nak tengok aku naik pelamin,
aku pon tak sabar nak tengok.

siapa pun suami aku nanti,
sumpah aku akan sayang gile2.

nak ucap terima kasih hari2,
sebab sudi sunting aku jadi isteri.
masa tu doa mak aku termakbulkan. Allah, indah kan?

terima kasih,
kalau kekal jadikan aku seorang je teman hati, sampai mati.
kalau:P
mana tau kot2 dia nak pasang 2 3 ke,
memang aku lipat2.
hahahah.
belum apa2 dah cuak kan??

hei awak,
siapa pun awak,
walaupon awak datang lewat sangat dalam hidup saya,

terima kasih kerana sudi datang dan teman,
awak dan buktikan bahawa doa saya, doa mak, dan doa semua diterima Allah.

haish, indah kan?
Allah lebih mengetahui.

p/s: sebenarnya taip ni sambil menangis, hahahah. sebab sedih sangat. (aku tak suka kena tipu, kene duakan, kene 3 kan, atau jadi pilihan kedua., sebab aku tak pernah buat macam tu, janganlah buat balik dekat aku, plssss...

INSECURED

Salam guys,

it has been a long time delay, again.

i love this blog. even tho this my 4th blog so far (because i cant handle the haters and someone who always poking their nose in my business) but i know i have to move on right?

so now, i just try to keep calm down, everytime i think that maybe someone who hates me reading my blog. and i keep telling myself that its ok, because not everybody loves u, because u not love everybody, right? heehee.

so, about the above mention title, sebenarnye.. setiap kali im in relationship, i feel insecured. :(

like i really - really - really hope that that will be my best relationship, and i hope that i can deliver and i can be the best that i can be, and give the best that i can give.

tapi ye lah, somehow, i ni sebenarnya akan jadi seorang yang sangat tak confident bila in relationship.

i got frustrated easily, i think negative easily.

macam, i takot i terover.

contoh kalau i nampak dia online, tapi dia cx baca my message, atau die x say hye to me, i feel bad. nanti i rasa mcm eh, i mengganggu ke? actually dia x suke ke i msg dia? ke dia rimas? ke dia sbnrnye biasa2 je, i je yang over2. kan?

kadang2, i risau mcm  sebenarnye die suka i ke tak? ke sebenarnya bila dia dah nampak perangai buruk i, dia akan x suke. dia boleh terima ke tak?

and kalau i buat something, i takut dia rasa sebenarnye dia tak rasa apa2 pon, i je yang lebih2. haha.

and i akan rasa insecured, sebab kadang2 i risau dia sebenarnya kawan dengan ramai orang, and i salah sorang, dan dia akan pilih la yang mana better. hahah.

and kadang-kadang, i risau setiap kali i rasa mcm klua dengan dia, am i dressing over? or i x cantik? or sebenarnya dia ajak lepak ke ajak keluar? haha

and i akan rasa macam, bila dah lama sikit kawan, adakah dia akan boring dengan perangai i., atau dia akan muak, atau dia akan jumpa someone new yang lebih better dari i, and lastly bila i dah suka dia, dia akan tinggalkan i, and kahwin dengan orang lain?

and kadang-kadang i rasa, am i hoping too much in relationship? am i?

and kadang-kadang this days, i rasa i dah tua sangat. im 29 this year. i dont have any steady relationship,and i risau, ada ke orang nak dekat i nanti sebab i dah tua?

:(

and kadang-kadang i rasa, perlu ke i selalu cakap i sayang dekat dia, sebab i takut die rimas? kalau kalau i x cakap selalu, die ingat i x sayang dekat dia?

hahahahah.... i risau ok!! im 30 next year, and all of my close friends dah kahwin and seems happily ever after, and im here, sitting alone.

and i risau, bila i dah in relationship, that dia tak berkenan dengan idea i yang i nak jadi working wife, working mum, sebab i banyak komitmen lagi dekat family i.

and i risau kadang-kadang, just because i love my job so much, they cant bear with me. lepas tu, taknak duduk jauh dengan i, kalau dah terpaksa (pjj relationship seems ok for me right now)

and i risau, sebenarnye bila i tak pernah turn ok in relationship, maybe because im a bad woman:( sbnrnye i tak baik pon, thats why takde orang nak stay and grow old with me.

hahah.

insecured me. :(

threat·en·ing

threat me,
punch me in the face,
scold me.
do whatever u want to.

but dont u dare touch my family, bullshit!

i glad that im already over with .....

no harsh words,

owh,
do you know that when u really dont like someone,
u actually just can add them to the 'spam number' in your phone?

so all the massages and call will directly go to spam,
and not appear on the screen.

im so glad it exist and kudos to who ever invented it.

the point is,
i really donno where i put 'not really mine' handphone charger and earphone.
lol.

and im a really hard-decision-making-person,
i run to one another handphone shop this few days,
i donno what to buy! urgh.,.

and off coz within budget,
after all, im not 'anak jutawan' and my father dont run 'million of dollars' a day.
lol.

and i think if im a 'multi millionaire daughter',
i just got married sooner to someone, well, same level with me. bhahahah.

maybe i should buy another samsung and give the new earphone and charger to the real owner of my note 3.

hurm.,
just think of it.

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

assalamualaikum,

im sorry i posted something rude previously,
which i consult myself back, that 'DONT SAY ANYTHING WHEN U'RE ANGRY!"

im the one with bad mouth,
but as far as im concern, i keep it clean everytime i speak to people,
who actually i love/care/donno/ not familiar with.

but when somebody is really crossed the line,
i just cant handle it,
and whether u like it or not,
the truth is, ure 'childish' side of u will came out sometimes, everytime u get angry.

let me take u back 7 years ago.
i went out dating with my boyfriend (that time he is my boyfriend.hehe)
and we decided to watch a movie call " Dunia Baru The Movie'
heheh.

but that time, ada 1 lagi movie tajuk 'jumper'.
owh man, my bf seriously not the one who layan cerita melayu ok!
and ive been following Dunia Baru series at tv since day one.
mestilah nak tengok!!!

so, masa pergi tu, tetiba time kitorang nak beli tiket tu,
masa tayangan tak kene,
and believed me, my bf ni jenis tak suka tunggu,
and tak suka ade dekat shopping complex lame2.
so, dia mcm bersungut2 la,
nanti kalau beli tiket yang belah petang tu nak buat ape je tunggu lame2.
baiklah tengok filem lain.
and masa tu betul2 tayangan filem 'jumper' tu.
baik plak lepas je tayangan filem jumper tu abis, sambung dunia baru the movie tu.

tapi bila dah i pon tarik muka sebab i nak tengok dunia baru, bf nak tengok jumper.
lepas tu dia tersebut benda bodoh time marah2 tu mcm ni " hish, fuck betullah, benda gini pon nak gadoh. macam bodoh tau tak?"
direct to my face,...

i terus nangis..serius nangis!!!

and my bf tu tunggu je kat luar toilet lama jugak sbnrnye,
i duduk dalam toilet nangis.

bila klua,
dia suruh duduk sebelah dia, dan tanye " kenape bby nangis, sebab tak dapat tengok movie??"

dan aku jawab " takkkk. sebab bo0 mencarot dan cakap kesat"

hahahah.
ok.serious. aku pantang sangat2 orang ckp kesat2 ni, lagi2 pasangan.

kau nak bergadoh ke, taknak bawah aku tengok wayang ke.
nak tinggalkan aku tengah2 jalan ke.
i really dont care,

but, DONT U EVER SAY HARSH WORD TO ME!

benda tu je kau buat,
hati aku dah hancur dah.
serius hancur.

bayangkan,
how come,
orang yang kau sayang, kau suke, kau cinta, yang kau nak jadikan pasangan seumur hidup.
bila kau marah2, kau keluarkan kata2 kesat dekat dia.

'babi, kimak, bodoh, perempuan murah, sundal, "

weh,

kau ingat kau bercinta dengan monyet ke?

kau bercinta dengan bakal ibu pada anak2 kau,
pompuan yang kau sumpah seranah ni la yang kangkangkan kaki dia keluarkan badan anak2 kau dari faraj dia.

pompuan macam ni ke kau maki hamun?

come on, kau tak layak jadi manusia kot kalau mcm tu!

hurm.

im sad. coz no matter how much u say i love u,

such harsh word easily 'split out of your mouth"

easily babe, easily.

im soooo sad.

And speak good to people [al-Baqarah 2:83]

Perempuan Jalang

Panggil aku sundal,
Panggil aku kimak,
Panggil aku perempuan muraH,

Perkataan pelacor keluar,
Bodoh, babi.

Layak ke jadi suami aku?
Layak ke jadi bapa pada anak2 aku?

Aku mmg bukan perempuan baik,
Tapi seumur hidup matang aku,
Aku tak penah kluakan kata-kata kesat dekat bakal pasangan aku.

inikan plak nak samakan dia dwngan binatang atau jigolo.

Tidak sama sekali. Dan aku rasa aku layak dapat yang setimpal.

The Scariest Part Is Letting Go

All of the lights land on you
The rest of the world fades from view
And all of the love I see
Please please say you feel it too
And all of the noise I hear inside
Restless and loud, unspoken and wild
And all that you need to say
To make it all go away
It's that you feel the same way too

And I know
The scariest part is letting go
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now
So let the words slip out of your mouth

And all of the steps that led me to you
And all of the hell I had you walk through
But I wouldn't trade a day for the chance to say
My love, I'm in love with you

And I know
The scariest part is letting go
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now
So let the words slip out of your mouth

I know that we're both afraid
We both made the same mistakes
An open heart is an open wound to you
And in the wind there's a heavy choice
Love has a quiet voice
Still you mind, now I'm yours to choose

And I know
The scariest part is letting go
Let my love be the light that guides you home

And I know
The scariest part is letting go
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now
So let the words slip out of your mouth

* i dont feel it anymore. :'( 
i feel bad, but i donno! 
its missing. somewhere. for sure not in my heart anymore. 

y? 

Selingkuh

Dah 2 malam berturut-turut aku mimpi aku yang curang.

Hurmm.

Its Too Late To apologize

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you,
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
Woahooo woah

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...