Salam,
so, i still cant get over my stress and dispression yet. i start feeling sad during night, almost everyday now.
right now, i really need someone to talk too, but i donno who. seems everyone who i used to talk too seems boring if they hear me talking about the same problem over and over again. hehe
its about my relationship! hurm.. i swear that i miss him sooo damn much, but unfortunately i cant say it out loud. i try to, but i just cant.
he seems ignored me for a month now, it just make me sad more. u know, when the time that actually i really need him around me.
i just moved in to KL, the city that i hate the most. i hate my house right now but i dont have choice too. its pretty close to everything but its kindda not attract me at all.
i got stress with my job right now, first time in 4 years i seriously update my resume and start sending my resume to several company now.
but, seriously,
i need him. now. :'(
its make me question that what i do wrong this time around?
well, yes, i admit that maybe im too hope for his existance. I wish that he is the one and the last one, tapi malangnye macam x je:'(
maybe sikap i yang kuat merajuk, attention seeker, (i just need his attention, thats all) and kuat membebel ( i usually call him and talk for hours, maybe sebab tu dia boring dengan i)
its make me really sad and frustrated now. hurmm.
secara sungguhnya, i memang nak luahkan sesuatu dengan someone right now. i really really really need someone to talk to. :'(
well, He came to my life first, and i tot its gonna be fun again, and u know, being like any other sweet couple. hurmmm..
i nak je rasa semula keluar dating,
bergayut lame2.
haha.
silly me.
im sorry....
i ruined the 'we' things.
i hope u give me a chance. at least one more.
or at least, if you dont want me,
just say it.
jangan hang in, buat i tertanye2. at least help me to move on and find someone else supaya i tak tertunggu2.
boleh x?
*i getting older, and too bad im too old for someone else. sedihnyee. :'(
just another bad luck in relationship again.
semoga Allah kuatkan hati i, macamana i sembunyikan dari orang lain sekarang ni. amin.
Monday, December 19, 2016
Friday, December 16, 2016
Anxiety Disorder
-
i really need someone to talk to.
like REALLY!!!
and i really hope it was u.
:(
#iprayformyhappiness
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
THOSE FUCK UP WEEKs
im tired,
im super stress
:'(
like every wrong words or did will make me cry.
work turn out to be super messy and stressfull and full schedule and fuck meeting.
and all.
personal life seem so lonely and fuck up at the same time.
and argh.
all seem wrong to me rite now.
i didnt find any house yet plus a less that available is beyond my credit limit.
my job turn out to be the worst job that i ever face in this 6 years.
key ell seem super noisy and messy and expensive to me.
relationship turn to relationshit. ( i know im gonna die alone....)
im not easy. and i donno how to love someone. and i seem turn to be selfish or just ME ME and ME.
i didnt get the salary that i demand.plus they cut it alot.
i have financial problem this end of this year.
what make things worst, when i swear that i dont want to use my dad money, and my dad call offer his money.
FUCK! thing getting worst.
i hate life right now:(
im super stress
:'(
like every wrong words or did will make me cry.
work turn out to be super messy and stressfull and full schedule and fuck meeting.
and all.
personal life seem so lonely and fuck up at the same time.
and argh.
all seem wrong to me rite now.
i didnt find any house yet plus a less that available is beyond my credit limit.
my job turn out to be the worst job that i ever face in this 6 years.
key ell seem super noisy and messy and expensive to me.
relationship turn to relationshit. ( i know im gonna die alone....)
im not easy. and i donno how to love someone. and i seem turn to be selfish or just ME ME and ME.
i didnt get the salary that i demand.plus they cut it alot.
i have financial problem this end of this year.
what make things worst, when i swear that i dont want to use my dad money, and my dad call offer his money.
FUCK! thing getting worst.
i hate life right now:(
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
BILA RASA ITU MULA DATANG, AKU MULA TULIS SURAT UNTUK TUHAN
SURAT UNTUK TUHAN
dalam keadaan paksa diri untuk positif,
dalam keadaan aku paksa diri aku untuk senyum selalu,
dalam aku paksa diri aku untuk share benda2 yang baik2 sahaja, happy2 sahaja.
aku kadang2 tengah berperang dengan perasaan aku sendiri.
perasaan sunyi, perasan curiga, semualah!
bila mula mempersoalkan apa yang Allah dan tentukan untuk aku,
dimasa akan datang,
aku mula lah menhitung hari.
Allah, dah tua dah aku tahun depan.
30 tahun weh. 30 tahun.
aku ingat lagi,
31hb mei 2011,
birthday aku yang ke 25 tahun.
mak aku telefon,
dan cakap " bila lagi? dah besar dah. dah berumur"
sedih kot.
sebab tahun depan aku 30 tahun,
mak dah takde pon. dah pergi hadap Illahi.
hajat dia tu je aku x dapat makbulkan.
aku belum berjodoh.
Mak,
insyaAllah, 1 hari nanti,
kalau Allah izinkan.
Mira kahwin ye mak...
penat weh kadang2,
bercinta, beriya kot.
suka dekat orang.
sebab aku kalau suka dekat orang, aku suka sungguh2,
jeles sungguh2, sayang sungguh2,
dia aku punye.
haha.
tapi tu lah,
kadang2 asik keciwa ke,
belum jumpa yang betul2 setia, yang betul2 sudi nak ambik aku jadi isteri. hehe
takpe la,
sabar ye,
bukan kau orang je yang nak tengok aku naik pelamin,
aku pon tak sabar nak tengok.
siapa pun suami aku nanti,
sumpah aku akan sayang gile2.
nak ucap terima kasih hari2,
sebab sudi sunting aku jadi isteri.
masa tu doa mak aku termakbulkan. Allah, indah kan?
terima kasih,
kalau kekal jadikan aku seorang je teman hati, sampai mati.
kalau:P
mana tau kot2 dia nak pasang 2 3 ke,
memang aku lipat2.
hahahah.
belum apa2 dah cuak kan??
hei awak,
siapa pun awak,
walaupon awak datang lewat sangat dalam hidup saya,
terima kasih kerana sudi datang dan teman,
awak dan buktikan bahawa doa saya, doa mak, dan doa semua diterima Allah.
haish, indah kan?
Allah lebih mengetahui.
p/s: sebenarnya taip ni sambil menangis, hahahah. sebab sedih sangat. (aku tak suka kena tipu, kene duakan, kene 3 kan, atau jadi pilihan kedua., sebab aku tak pernah buat macam tu, janganlah buat balik dekat aku, plssss...
dalam keadaan paksa diri untuk positif,
dalam keadaan aku paksa diri aku untuk senyum selalu,
dalam aku paksa diri aku untuk share benda2 yang baik2 sahaja, happy2 sahaja.
aku kadang2 tengah berperang dengan perasaan aku sendiri.
perasaan sunyi, perasan curiga, semualah!
bila mula mempersoalkan apa yang Allah dan tentukan untuk aku,
dimasa akan datang,
aku mula lah menhitung hari.
Allah, dah tua dah aku tahun depan.
30 tahun weh. 30 tahun.
aku ingat lagi,
31hb mei 2011,
birthday aku yang ke 25 tahun.
mak aku telefon,
dan cakap " bila lagi? dah besar dah. dah berumur"
sedih kot.
sebab tahun depan aku 30 tahun,
mak dah takde pon. dah pergi hadap Illahi.
hajat dia tu je aku x dapat makbulkan.
aku belum berjodoh.
Mak,
insyaAllah, 1 hari nanti,
kalau Allah izinkan.
Mira kahwin ye mak...
penat weh kadang2,
bercinta, beriya kot.
suka dekat orang.
sebab aku kalau suka dekat orang, aku suka sungguh2,
jeles sungguh2, sayang sungguh2,
dia aku punye.
haha.
tapi tu lah,
kadang2 asik keciwa ke,
belum jumpa yang betul2 setia, yang betul2 sudi nak ambik aku jadi isteri. hehe
takpe la,
sabar ye,
bukan kau orang je yang nak tengok aku naik pelamin,
aku pon tak sabar nak tengok.
siapa pun suami aku nanti,
sumpah aku akan sayang gile2.
nak ucap terima kasih hari2,
sebab sudi sunting aku jadi isteri.
masa tu doa mak aku termakbulkan. Allah, indah kan?
terima kasih,
kalau kekal jadikan aku seorang je teman hati, sampai mati.
kalau:P
mana tau kot2 dia nak pasang 2 3 ke,
memang aku lipat2.
hahahah.
belum apa2 dah cuak kan??
hei awak,
siapa pun awak,
walaupon awak datang lewat sangat dalam hidup saya,
terima kasih kerana sudi datang dan teman,
awak dan buktikan bahawa doa saya, doa mak, dan doa semua diterima Allah.
haish, indah kan?
Allah lebih mengetahui.
p/s: sebenarnya taip ni sambil menangis, hahahah. sebab sedih sangat. (aku tak suka kena tipu, kene duakan, kene 3 kan, atau jadi pilihan kedua., sebab aku tak pernah buat macam tu, janganlah buat balik dekat aku, plssss...
Saturday, September 24, 2016
2017 PLAN
Ok.
Heres my plan.
Ive been thinking over and over again to buy a house or a land this few years but somehow i donno theres something holding me back.
So, now...
If im not gonna married next year, i will pursue my wish to buy a house.
When i said to buy a house, i mean a big house.. one is enough for now.
I just need to think about a location.
Maybe seremban, or melaka.
No kl. Nope. Hopefully not.
Heres my plan.
Ive been thinking over and over again to buy a house or a land this few years but somehow i donno theres something holding me back.
So, now...
If im not gonna married next year, i will pursue my wish to buy a house.
When i said to buy a house, i mean a big house.. one is enough for now.
I just need to think about a location.
Maybe seremban, or melaka.
No kl. Nope. Hopefully not.
INSECURED
Salam guys,
it has been a long time delay, again.
i love this blog. even tho this my 4th blog so far (because i cant handle the haters and someone who always poking their nose in my business) but i know i have to move on right?
so now, i just try to keep calm down, everytime i think that maybe someone who hates me reading my blog. and i keep telling myself that its ok, because not everybody loves u, because u not love everybody, right? heehee.
so, about the above mention title, sebenarnye.. setiap kali im in relationship, i feel insecured. :(
like i really - really - really hope that that will be my best relationship, and i hope that i can deliver and i can be the best that i can be, and give the best that i can give.
tapi ye lah, somehow, i ni sebenarnya akan jadi seorang yang sangat tak confident bila in relationship.
i got frustrated easily, i think negative easily.
macam, i takot i terover.
contoh kalau i nampak dia online, tapi dia cx baca my message, atau die x say hye to me, i feel bad. nanti i rasa mcm eh, i mengganggu ke? actually dia x suke ke i msg dia? ke dia rimas? ke dia sbnrnye biasa2 je, i je yang over2. kan?
kadang2, i risau mcm sebenarnye die suka i ke tak? ke sebenarnya bila dia dah nampak perangai buruk i, dia akan x suke. dia boleh terima ke tak?
and kalau i buat something, i takut dia rasa sebenarnye dia tak rasa apa2 pon, i je yang lebih2. haha.
and i akan rasa insecured, sebab kadang2 i risau dia sebenarnya kawan dengan ramai orang, and i salah sorang, dan dia akan pilih la yang mana better. hahah.
and kadang-kadang, i risau setiap kali i rasa mcm klua dengan dia, am i dressing over? or i x cantik? or sebenarnya dia ajak lepak ke ajak keluar? haha
and i akan rasa macam, bila dah lama sikit kawan, adakah dia akan boring dengan perangai i., atau dia akan muak, atau dia akan jumpa someone new yang lebih better dari i, and lastly bila i dah suka dia, dia akan tinggalkan i, and kahwin dengan orang lain?
and kadang-kadang i rasa, am i hoping too much in relationship? am i?
and kadang-kadang this days, i rasa i dah tua sangat. im 29 this year. i dont have any steady relationship,and i risau, ada ke orang nak dekat i nanti sebab i dah tua?
:(
and kadang-kadang i rasa, perlu ke i selalu cakap i sayang dekat dia, sebab i takut die rimas? kalau kalau i x cakap selalu, die ingat i x sayang dekat dia?
hahahahah.... i risau ok!! im 30 next year, and all of my close friends dah kahwin and seems happily ever after, and im here, sitting alone.
and i risau, bila i dah in relationship, that dia tak berkenan dengan idea i yang i nak jadi working wife, working mum, sebab i banyak komitmen lagi dekat family i.
and i risau kadang-kadang, just because i love my job so much, they cant bear with me. lepas tu, taknak duduk jauh dengan i, kalau dah terpaksa (pjj relationship seems ok for me right now)
and i risau, sebenarnye bila i tak pernah turn ok in relationship, maybe because im a bad woman:( sbnrnye i tak baik pon, thats why takde orang nak stay and grow old with me.
hahah.
insecured me. :(
it has been a long time delay, again.
i love this blog. even tho this my 4th blog so far (because i cant handle the haters and someone who always poking their nose in my business) but i know i have to move on right?
so now, i just try to keep calm down, everytime i think that maybe someone who hates me reading my blog. and i keep telling myself that its ok, because not everybody loves u, because u not love everybody, right? heehee.
so, about the above mention title, sebenarnye.. setiap kali im in relationship, i feel insecured. :(
like i really - really - really hope that that will be my best relationship, and i hope that i can deliver and i can be the best that i can be, and give the best that i can give.
tapi ye lah, somehow, i ni sebenarnya akan jadi seorang yang sangat tak confident bila in relationship.
i got frustrated easily, i think negative easily.
macam, i takot i terover.
contoh kalau i nampak dia online, tapi dia cx baca my message, atau die x say hye to me, i feel bad. nanti i rasa mcm eh, i mengganggu ke? actually dia x suke ke i msg dia? ke dia rimas? ke dia sbnrnye biasa2 je, i je yang over2. kan?
kadang2, i risau mcm sebenarnye die suka i ke tak? ke sebenarnya bila dia dah nampak perangai buruk i, dia akan x suke. dia boleh terima ke tak?
and kalau i buat something, i takut dia rasa sebenarnye dia tak rasa apa2 pon, i je yang lebih2. haha.
and i akan rasa insecured, sebab kadang2 i risau dia sebenarnya kawan dengan ramai orang, and i salah sorang, dan dia akan pilih la yang mana better. hahah.
and kadang-kadang, i risau setiap kali i rasa mcm klua dengan dia, am i dressing over? or i x cantik? or sebenarnya dia ajak lepak ke ajak keluar? haha
and i akan rasa macam, bila dah lama sikit kawan, adakah dia akan boring dengan perangai i., atau dia akan muak, atau dia akan jumpa someone new yang lebih better dari i, and lastly bila i dah suka dia, dia akan tinggalkan i, and kahwin dengan orang lain?
and kadang-kadang i rasa, am i hoping too much in relationship? am i?
and kadang-kadang this days, i rasa i dah tua sangat. im 29 this year. i dont have any steady relationship,and i risau, ada ke orang nak dekat i nanti sebab i dah tua?
:(
and kadang-kadang i rasa, perlu ke i selalu cakap i sayang dekat dia, sebab i takut die rimas? kalau kalau i x cakap selalu, die ingat i x sayang dekat dia?
hahahahah.... i risau ok!! im 30 next year, and all of my close friends dah kahwin and seems happily ever after, and im here, sitting alone.
and i risau, bila i dah in relationship, that dia tak berkenan dengan idea i yang i nak jadi working wife, working mum, sebab i banyak komitmen lagi dekat family i.
and i risau kadang-kadang, just because i love my job so much, they cant bear with me. lepas tu, taknak duduk jauh dengan i, kalau dah terpaksa (pjj relationship seems ok for me right now)
and i risau, sebenarnye bila i tak pernah turn ok in relationship, maybe because im a bad woman:( sbnrnye i tak baik pon, thats why takde orang nak stay and grow old with me.
hahah.
insecured me. :(
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